Last Updated on October 23, 2020 by Creative Parenting
Are you trying to figure out when your baby will start talking?
Besides saying the obvious, that you can’t figure that out in advance…
There’s a decent chance you’re stressing out over it too much.
After reading lots of research on child language development…
Plus perusing parenting forums…
We can confirm it’s a serious source of anxiety for parents.
Now, we’ll dive into the warning signs to look for later.
But first, let’s look at some research on language development and consider why it matters.
Discover the Art of a Special Parenting Language
There’s one trend we’ve noticed in a lot of the research on language development, and it relates to how parents approach language learning.
You see, language development that flourishes when parents take a specific approach.
Babies don’t magically start talking on their own.
Language development happens over time.
One way parents can help is by speaking a special language to their babies.
It’s called “parentese.”
Once you’re aware of this special parenting language, you can take active steps to use it…
Now, it’s not the typical “baby talk” you hear.
You know, the incoherent babbling that many parents engage in with their babies.
We’re not talking about that.
“Parentese” is a more involved form of communication.
In short, it’s active back and forth communication between a parent had her baby.
Consider this quote from the researcher who discovered it:
“We’ve known for some time that the use of parentese is associated with improved language outcomes,” said Patricia Kuhl, I-LABS co-director and professor of speech and hearing sciences at the UW.”
In other words?
Using this “parentese” with your child will help them learn their native language!
“We didn’t know why. We believe parentese makes language learning easier because of its simpler linguistic structure and exaggerated sounds” [Ekhart, Kim, “Parents learn, babies talk: How coaching moms and dads leads to better language skills among infants.”]
In other words:
Simple, short, dialogue like a conversation between you and your baby will help them pick up the language.
And when you think about it?
That’s pretty amazing:
The way you communicate with your baby, even from an early age, can help them develop language skills.
This approach is driven by the following idea:
Kids don’t pick up language on their own.
The process of language acquisition grows out of the interaction.
You might be surprised to learn this.
At first glance, this isn’t what conventional wisdom would tell you.
It sounds counterintuitive at first.
You might think that babies pick up language simply from being immersed in it.
But the process of language acquisition is more involved than this:
Its immersion, combined with sustained, daily engagement from with their parents (or caregivers).
Now, this article goes on to clarify that by “parentese” they do not mean the normal baby talk language.
Here’s what they say:
“We now think parentese works because it’s a social hook for the baby brain — its high pitch and slower tempo are socially engaging and invite the baby to respond.”
So, now that we’re clear that it’s important to speak parentese with our kiddos, the quest becomes:
How do you do that?
Let’s talk about that next.
How to Use This Special Parenting Language
If you want to learn how to use parentese, there’s a lesson you can learn from the Tonight Show.
Fans of Jimmy Fallon will be familiar with his wildly popular book, “Dada.”
We picked the book up when our son was born…
…and it was a fun read.
While he didn’t intend it this way, reading Fallon’s “Dada” book with your child implements “parentese” concepts.
As you’re reading it, you engage in a back and forth.
It’s very simple, with pictures and repetition of “Dada.”
But the fun thing about is eventually your kiddo will catch on…
…and start participating in the refrain.
Do this enough times and you can start to feel a bond.
But it’s a bond that exists beyond an emotional level…
…but at the level of language exchange itself.
And that gets to the important lesson from the research on “parentese:”
How you communicate with your baby influences his or her speech development.
Another way of putting it?
You can influence your baby’s language development for the better.
That’s right, you, as a parent, have this power.
While more experienced parents might roll their eyes to this revelation…
It’s a powerful realization for new parents.
And yet, there’s a challenge that creeps up when you become aware of this reality.
That’s what we talk about next.
Anxiety about Language Development is Normal
If you ever feel like you have a lot of anxiety around your child’s speech development, know this:
You are not alone.
At some point, almost every parent deals with this.
It’s quite common, in fact.
All parents worry about all sorts of things with their kids
If you’ve ever read a parenting forum board…
…you’ll notice trends in what parents worry about.
- A daughter not babbling often.
- A younger child not talking as often as the older.
- A parent is worried, the doctor isn’t worried at first, but then recommends a referral.
We’ve experienced many of these worries ourselves.
But there’s something particularly nerve-wracking about language development.
So knowing that your kiddo is on track with their language skills is a big relief.
The main thing to know is this:
It’s normal to have concerns!
Don’t be shy to bring them up with their doctor.
But until you do, don’t stress yourself out worrying about every little change.
Each child is different.
And parents of more than one kid will remind you:
No child develops on the same timeline as another.
But, if you do find yourself ruminating…
There’s a few things you can do for more peace of mind.
And that’s what we’ll talk about next.
Do This for Peace of Mind
Once we started regularly tracking developmental milestones, we found we worried less.
If you follow this strategy, as your child gets older, you’ll be able to watch for warning signs.
You see, there are developmental milestones you can monitor that are related to warning signs.
So the idea is this:
If you monitor these milestones, you’ll be in a better position to identify warning signs early.
And this alone will alleviate many of your worries, in two ways:
First, it’ll make your worries more specific.
By making them more specific, you’ll reduce some of the anxiety with it.
Without making your ruminations specific, you’ll only be limited by the terror of your imagination.
Second, it’ll allow you to structure your worry so you’re not ruminating all the time.
As a parent, you have enough going on in life not to be worrying all the time.
By giving some structure to your worries, you’ll set a benchmark for your worries.
For example, if you know by a certain month they should be crawling…
Then four months before that you don’t have to be wondering “should they be crawling by now?”
And so on.
Now, the question becomes: “what’s the best way to keep track of these?”
One resource we’ve found helpful is the CDC.
And it’s not just the info on their website:
They have an app that’s super helpful too.
Once you start tracking the milestones, you’ll have some data at hand to discuss during your next conversation with your pediatrician.
Two Things to Consider About Your Pediatrician So You Feel Comfortable Talking To Them
In this section, we’re going to talk about some things you should consider when choosing a pediatrician.
And it’s something that if you aren’t careful, could affect your ability to work productively with them.
It can come up in how your physician presents what they want to do to address your concerns.
We’re not trying to point the finger at pediatricians.
Rather we are talking about the importance of having good communication between YOU and YOUR provider.
One area where communication is key is when it comes to expectations.
Expectations you have for what might have on a doctor’s visit…
And expectations a provider has for what they are supposed to do.
Let’s look at one example.
One physician writing in the New York Times shares this tidbit:
“To ensure your child is developing properly, your pediatrician will check for autism at the 18-month visit using a screening tool called the M-CHAT.”
In our experience, the reality can be quite different.
Your physician may use this tool, no tool at all, or some other tool.
In fact, a survey by the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2017 found that only 74% of pediatricians reported using the M-Chat.
What can we learn from this?
1 Doctors are human too.
While there are many things standardized in medicine, the physician’s discretion sometimes into play.
That’s why communication is more important than ever.
2. Your relationship with your Pediatrician affects your baby’s health.
This builds on the previous idea of communication.
And it gets at why communication is so key.
Because if you don’t have good communication with your provider…
You’re not going to have a positive working relationship.
And let’s be clear:
A positive working relationship is something you have to develop with your pediatrician.
One way of looking at this is that you are partners with them in caring for your child.
You bring parenting expertise.
They bring medical expertise.
It’s a dance together to help your kids stay healthy.
And just like in dance, if one person isn’t in sync with the other…
It’s going to be harder to whirl around the dance floor.
And you need to be able to feel ok speaking with them about your concerns.
That way if you encounter any of the warning signs we talk about next, you won’t hesitate to contact them.
Watch For These 10 Warning Signs
We watched tensely as the doctor inserted a foot-long ear tool down our son’s ear canal.
We were standing next to an examination table our son was laying on.
It was a chilly room, with a dark brown table an 80s aesthetic.
The physician, an experienced ENT, was in his element.
Watching the doctor, we could tell he’d done this a million times…
…yet my mind raced with so many questions
And it tried to calm itself with even more answers.
You see, we’d come to see this ENT after a roller coaster of a year dealing with about eight back to back ear infections.
Our pediatrician had referred us to the ENT for further evaluation to see if our son needed ear tubes.
This year of ear infections had been quite a roller coaster.
We’d gone through, it seemed all the different antibiotics on the market…
Plus had to use a nebulizer…
And countless sleepless nights, doctors’ visits, and various home remedies…
Luckily, through this process, we’d become familiar with some things to watch for.
They were things to watch for to make all these ear infections weren’t negatively affecting his hearing.
It’s something that when it was first mentioned we’d thought:
“Huh? What does hearing have to do with speech development?”
But as in turns out, hearing ability is closely linked to speech development.
And when you think about it intuitively, it makes sense:
If a child is going to learn to speak, they need to understand the language they are hearing around them first.
Think about it like learning a foreign language.
Ever try to learn Spanish on your own?
Now imagine trying to learn when it’s harder to understand the words you’re hearing.
I think you get the idea.
So if you want to be aware of what to watch for in hearing development so you can keep track of whether your child is on track…
Check out the warning signs below.
Infant to 5 months:
- Are they coo-ing?
- Do they laugh when happy and cry when sad?
- When you talk to them do they make noises back?
From six months to under 1
- Responds to “no-no”
- Makes the classic baby babbles
- Communicates with their hands
- Mimics you, or tries to
- Speaks the golden first word
From one year to 17 months
- Responds to simple questions
- Imitates simple words
As parents, we all worry about our kids.
When they’re babies, we especially want to know that our babies are on track with their development.
So, it’s common to be concerned. And it’s important to be mindful of how things are developing.
But it’s also important that you don’t drive yourself crazy with worry.
There are tools and resources available to you to help you keep your anxiety in check.
If you use an app to track milestones, it’ll make discussing your child’s development with your pediatrician easier.
The important thing is not to worry yourself to death.
This process will free you from many day-to-day worries.
Instead of worrying each day, focus on making the most amazing baby year ever.
After all, while time passes slowly from day to day…
Years from now, it’ll seem like only the blink of an eye.
What do you think?
What stays on your mind with your baby’s language development?